Only Lonely
by Delilah Elric
Summary: Only Blue, Lonely Blue Sasori sneaks into Deidara's room late at night and reads his journal, only to find a little secret. A song fic to "Without You" from RENT. Has a darker feel, but isn't really that sad. A lighter romance. Another SasoDei onesh


**Without You  
The Ground Thaws  
The Rain Falls  
The Grass Grows**

Without You  
The Seeds Root  
The Flowers Bloom  
The Children Play

The Stars Gleam  
The poets dream  
The Eagles Fly 

_It was only our second mission together as partners, I remember. _

~Night One~

Our travel had started in relative silence, danna occasionally grumbling a few things about how much he hated me, or how much he didn't want to do this. But I knew it was going to be rough from the first conversation...I'll try to tell it word for word, action for action, just in case I ever need this memory again.

I think it started when Sasori-danna said something along the lines of: "You're such a distraction, I'd do better without a partner. Honestly. You messed up our first mission already."

"I said I was sorry, danna." I said, looking down at the tops of my hands forlornly. "It was an accident, un..."

"Accidents cost time." Sasori-danna growled, his voice an earth moving low grumble from within his Hiruko puppet. That voice. It always captivated me, I'll never be able to say why. I think next I looked at him.

"...I won't mess up this time, un, I promise." I swore, nodding for effect.

"Say what you will." Sasori said, the unbelieving note in his low voice making me tremble ever so slightly. "You'll mess up again, you just watch."

I glanced at the ground and didn't say anything else. We can't spend two seconds together without arguing and I was starting to run low on insults and witty commentary. So I just sighed and stayed silent the rest of the trip to the Rain village.

As I remember, Sasori didn't say much either. The occasional command, every now and then, telling me to remember to do this or not to do that. We may have said a few things, but right now I can't so much remember. Just what happened next.

We arrived at the edge of said village and I looked at my danna. "Why are we here again anyway, un? I thought..."

"A girl here has learned too much about us, we are to eliminate the threat she poses, Deidara." Sasori answered, bluntly. I cringed. I hate it when he uses that blunt tone.

"I don't like fighting with you every moment. Can we stop?" I asked, smiling playfully, hoping it would lighten the spirits of my partner. I learned quickly that very little lightens his spirits.

"I'd rather not try to do the impossible, imbecile. Which is what getting along with _you _would entail. So, let's just do the mission and get back to base where you can play with your play dough and I can get to work on another puppet, something actually of worth. It's your fault this girl knows what she does about us in the first place, you little shit, we were supposed to eliminate her last mission, which we failed at completely."

I cringed again at his cruelty. Itachi had once told me that in time I would get used to it.

Well, I hadn't yet. Not entirely sure I am now, or that I ever will be.

"It's not play dough, danna, it's clay. And it's as much worth as your dolls, un." I spat back, venomously.

_Looking back, maybe I shouldn't have said some of the things I said. They only led you to further anger. And it was your anger that set you off. _

Sasori fell quite, he didn't answer, he didn't move. He didn't say anything. And I'm not sure if that made me more angry, or what, but I felt it bubbling up. And even though I was mad at the boy I knew had red hair under that puppet that I'd been given as a partner, somehow I couldn't bring myself to raise my voice at him.

Never have. Can't say I ever will.

The next part is kind of a blur to me, Sasori's scorpion tail suddenly batted something back and he yelled at me to step aside. I was so stunned, that I was glued in place, and something hit me. I felt a warm liquid trickling down my arm, and I only realized what it was when it reached my hands.

I was bleeding.

Sasori-danna was locked in a fight with the girl now, and I was bleeding from the shoulder. I knew I had to do something, had to help danna fight her, but for some odd reason I couldn't bring myself to move.

It's the only time I remember freezing up like that, and I don't know why it happened. I was brought to reality when an accomplice of the girl ran at me and I had to move aside. I quickly formed a small bird and it flew at her, exploding once it was close enough to deal damage.

She was blown back and I ran to help danna now, but before I reached him the girl that had attacked me before ran at me and jumped on my back.

It's the first and only huge mistake of my life. But I was still learning. It almost cost me everything, and it taught me the importance of focus...

...but I still can't say that running for danna was the wrong choice.

As she jumped on me, I formed another bird in an attempt to blow her off, but she held fast, and she she held she withdrew a kunai. The both of us thrashing around, she aimed for my thought, but as I moved, she lost her aim and instead hit me more towards the base of my neck. I started to fall limp, and everything started to go black.

And then it did.

I don't know what happened it those moments.

I probably never will know.

I'll leave a space here on the page just in case I ever find out:

_He really left a blank spot? _

~~~~~~~~~~

Sasori pulled out a pencil and pushed it sadly to the paper. He decided that Deidara deserved to know, even if this would give away the fact that he'd been reading the journal of his partner. He pressed it to the paper and wrote the first word.

~~~~~~~~~~

**Without You**

The Earth Turns  
The Sun Burns  
But I Die  
Without You

Without You  
The Breeze Warms  
The Girl Smiles  
The Cloud Moves

Without You  
The Tides Change  
The Boys Run  
The Oceans Crash

The Crowds Roar  
The Days Soar  
The Babies Cry  
Without You 

When you fell, Deidara, I didn't know what to do. For once in my life...I was...scared.

I thought I'd lost you.

I quickly killed both girls and abandoned Hiruko. It was all I could think to do. In my smaller state, I fell to my knees and shook you roughly. I thought you were pulling a joke on me for a few moments. I thought that you were doing this to try and prove that I cared.

Well. I do. And you proved it, even if you never meant to and even if you never saw the fruit of what you'd done.

I remember putting my head on your chest and yelling at you. Telling you to wake up, telling you that it was stupid of you to do this to me, insulting you, anything I could think of. I had lost my head. I didn't know what to do except be angry.

And then I felt it.

The small thumping of your heart, like the fluttering wings of a bird in a cage.

If this wooden body could cry, Deidara, it would've done so in joy in that very moment. I held you close to myself, as close as I could, and then dressed your wounds as best I could, and let my lips touch yours for as long as I dared.

And then your eyes opened.

_I was so afraid I'd lost you. _

~~~~~~~~~~

Sasori smiled. That would suffice. That was all Deidara need to know.

He continued reading Deidara's entry from there.

~~~~~~~~~~

When I woke up, Sasori was out of Hiruko. I didn't know why. I didn't know how. Our two assailants were dead, and danna was poking a fire he'd lit with a stick. I blinked, and I looked around, and I tried to figure out what was going on.

I touched my wounds, which were wrapped, and I looked at Danna and went to speak. I remember only getting out the words: "Did you--" And then he cut me off with:

"Good, you're awake. Let's go back to base. Our mission is done."

I tilted my head. "What? What do you mean, done, danna? Did you kill them yourself, un?"

And then Sasori smiled at me.

The only smile I'll ever get out of him.

The sweetest smile I've ever seen and he said:

"No. You helped."

And then we went back to base.

_If he liked that smile so much, maybe I should smile at him more often. _

~~~~~~~~~~

Sasori was about to continue reading when he heard the door behind him open. He shut the journal quickly and placed it back on the shelf, pretending to be looking for something.

"What are you doing, danna, un?" Deidara asked from behind him.

Sasori didn't turn his head. "I lost a joint." He said, offhandedly.

"Oh...do you want me to help find it, un?" Deidara asked, being too naive to question why Sasori had been in his room in the first place.

Sasori pretended to find it and put it back in his hand. "Ah. No thanks, I found it." He said, softly, and stood up.

"So danna...what were you doing in my room anyway, un?" Deidara asked, softly.

Sasori pretended not to be taken aback by this question, Deidara had never asked it before.

Sasori just smirked and headed for the door. Smirks were common from him. But never smiles. "I was just...looking for you. But I forgot why. I'm going to go work on another puppet." he said, giving Deidara a glance as he passed him.

But as he went to step passed Deidara, he felt a hand on his own. He looked down. Deidara had grabbed him, not roughly but in a very soft manner.

Sasori looked up to meet the blonde's eyes, surprised that he'd reached for him.

"You know, you don't have to lie about what you're doing, danna. You can tell me, un."

Sasori shook his head. "I'll tell you one day." He said, and went to move, but the blonde's grip tightened.

_I don't know what I'd do without you. I guess I'm just glad I'll never have to know the feeling of loosing you. _

Sasori looked at his partner once more, but this time when he raised his head, Deidara's nose touched his. Sasori blinked, wondering why the boy was so close to him. He felt his heart skip a beat.

Deidara smiled and brought his lips again Sasori's in a moment of wonderful passion, but not long enough for the taste of the blond to linger very much in the mouth of the red haired puppet, who stared at him blankly.

"Returning the favor." Deidara said softly, and released Sasori's hand.

Sasori just looked down and went to the door, no words escaped his or Deidara's mouths. Until he stopped at the wooden blockade and then turned back to Deidara.

Deidara's eyes met Sasori's hopefully.

_Even if you will have to face the harshened feeling of loosing me. _

**Without You  
The Hand Gropes  
The Ear Hears  
The Pulse Beats**

Without You  
The Eyes Gaze  
The Legs Walk  
The Lungs Breathe

The Mind Churns (The Mind Churns)  
The Heart Yearns (The Heart Yearns)

The Tears Dry  
Without You

Life Goes On  
But I'm Gone  
Cause I Die....... 

Sasori gave Deidara a smile ten times brighter than any the blond had ever seen.

"Read your journal." Sasori said, the smile not fading from his face. With that he turned and opened the door, leaving the blond with a beautiful grin on his face.

_I love you, Deidara. _


End file.
